“As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another” Proverbs 27:17

I have been in a season of sharpening, one of growth and depth, one of refinement and strengthening.  I have seen proverbs 27:17 in action; I have experienced it for myself as well as been a part of it for others.  The race creates a culture of feedback, truth spoken in love for the betterment of those around you, calling people up into greatness and out of the things that hold them back.  In order to be sharpened we need people around us willing to speak into our lives.  People that care more about your refinement and growth than what you will think of them if they tell you something hard to hear.  People who are invested in seeing you lives as the best version of who God created you to be.  This is what God created the body of Christ to look like.  This is why we are called to live in community. 

For the last 3 months I have had two co-leaders who have day in and day out been my iron.  We were paired together by AIM, but I can tell you in all honesty that I would choose them.  There is a certain power in choice and there is no one else I would choose to lead D Squad with other than the co-leaders I have.  They are powerful, wise, loving and gifted individuals who love Jesus with everything they have.  At the end of the day, past all the decisions we have to make, past the hard words we sometimes have to speak, past our differences of opinions or preferences I know that these two amazing friends are for me.  There is an incredible comfort in that. They truly want the best for me and are willing to fight for me to constantly live at my absolute best.  I can't tell you how grateful I am for them and unity we have.  I couldn't imagine this journey without them.

Hope Mendola is one of the most free people I know.  By that I mean she is free from being wrapped up in what other people think of her.  She is her own spirit and is very comfortable in her own skin.  She hears form the Lord and speaks His words with power and boldness.  She has taught me the importance and beauty of silence. Hope is selfless and constantly makes the choice to prefer those around her.  She is passionate about being a woman and inspires other women to be comfortable in their skin while being proud of exactly who God created them to be.  She is my ultimate restaurant partner, as we almost always split our food!  This may seem small, but trust me, on the world race this is a big deal.  I am so grateful to have this sister who seeks depth and contemplates the intricacies of life and who God is.  She is so gifted in teaching the word and brings a powerful prophetic presence to our squad.  When Hope is excited about something, the whole room lights up and her presence is contagious!

Mac Mitchell is on of the most playful men I know.  He is constantly making those around him laugh, thus bringing joy wherever He goes.  He is a passionate worshiper and has a beautifully unique connection to the Holy Spirit.  He is the definition of what a gentle, loving, but bold man is. The power and strength behind his words is profound.  Mac is consistent servant and lays himself down for Hope and I on a regular basis.  This consistency comes from a deep grounding in seeking the Lord and living in the Fathers love.  Mac is a man of integrity and honor.  He has shown me what it means to press into the hard thing out of obedience and love for the Lord.  He is a talented photographer and a wonderful eye for capturing a moment.  He is not afraid of showing his emotions and being vulnerable, which shows is true strength. 

These 2 people have been vital in my growth and will forever be a crucial part of my journey and development.  So, to Mac and Hope, Thank you for teaching me what it means to honor and submit.  Thank you for teaching me what it means to seek the Lord with everything.  Thank you for being for me, even when I am not being my best self because at the end of the day I know you choose me too.  Above all else, thank you for being my iron.

I have to admit this time around on my world race experience my blog writing has been severely lacking.  Between walking alongside and leading 40 people, traveling to different teams, and doing in country ministry the emotional and physical effort it takes to put my heart on a page has been almost non-existent.  That being said, I love to write.  It fuels me, helps me process, and is a creative outlet that keeps me going.  It is part of what creates my oxygen.

Oxygen: the substance that sustains you.  It keeps one going, alive, moving, and free.  I have realized in taking care of and pouring into everyone else around me I have neglected my own oxygen, leaving my lips blue and body weak.

 This concept is something we have been talking about a lot lately as a squad.  At our month 2 squad debrief, Betsy Garmon spoke on this idea.  Our whole squad sat at attention, leaning into her words as she taught on the things that form who we are, outside and inside forces that form our identity.  She pointed out that in emergency situations on airplanes we are always instructed to put our oxygen mask on ourselves before helping those around us.  You see if we don't, we wind up blue, lying on the floor, unable to save other people or ourselves.

Often times we live in a society of oxygen starved, blue people, gasping for air, and desperate to feel a deep life giving breath fill their lungs.  We are busy with schedules, responsibilities, obligations, and yes even volunteer or missionary work.  Often we are so busy fulfilling expectations and helping others that we forget what we need to be sustained to be fully alive.  We are blue, on the floor, gasping, tired and weak, but can't understand why life and the day to day seems so hard and draining.  God created us all uniquely with gifts, talents, and passions.  When we operate in these things we not only bring vibrancy to ourselves, but to those around us.  We were created to experience the fullness of Christ, which I believe includes living fully as the unique person He created you to be for the glory of His kingdom.  God desires us to be fully alive, fully free, and thriving to display the beauty and vibrancy of who He is within us.

I've realized it's not selfish to take some time to make sure I am breathing.  In fact, when I live in my giftings and passions, in the things that make me come fully alive, I light a spark that catches fire to those around me.  I am able to serve better, love bigger, proclaim who God is more boldly when I am no longer struggling to breathe.   It opens the door for me to live in the fullness of who He is, thriving in the life the Lord desires for me.  So here I am, I have taken a deep breath, air is filling my lungs, oxygen coursing through my veins.  Life is beginning to surge through this once tired and blue body and it feels so good.

What is your oxygen?  What makes you come alive? Are you living fully as the person God created you to be?

God's beauty displayed on the beaches of El Salvador

Amazing tree I found in a park we visited in Honduras.  Perfect spot to journal and spend some time with the Lord!!!

I thought I knew what I was in store for when I committed to squad lead and go on the race again.  Funny how when I think I know what I sign up for God blows my previous experience out of the water.  This time around the race has been infinitely more enjoyable and rewarding, but also infinitely more exhausting and taxing.  I am being stretched far beyond what I thought possible emotionally, physically, and spiritually.  This has left me very little time and energy to blog, but I would love to give you a recap of my first month in Guatemala.

Week 1 with Teams Patient Hope and Shadowfeet in Antigua

Highlights:

Visiting the Elderly in 2 different Abuelo Houses: Sitting with them, Holding their hands, Trying to talk and share stories in broken Spanish, Laughing, Praying, singing, Aisha painting portraits, Reading the Word to them in Spanish, loving and being loved back.

Working in the Disabled and Malnourished Ward in the Hospital:  Taking Kids out of their beds to enjoy the sunshine, giving physical touch to kids who are abandoned and disabled who rarely receive love, playing music, seeing beauty in all of God's children, meeting INCREDIBLE long-term missionaries Dick Rutgers and Pat.

Seeing both teams get out of their comfort zones and LOVE those that society had forgotten and abandoned was beautiful..  Seeing them realize that this was really going to be their life for the next year was nostalgic, inspiring, and breathtaking.

*First time I got sick… I think this is where I picked up my little parasite friend :-)

Week 2 with Teams Lionsong and Cherished in Puerto Barrios

Wide variety of ministry but I had 2 favorites

Working in a local orphanage:  Meeting Gustavo, the most precious 4 month old baby with a cleft palate.  He will be receiving surgery through a local ministry as soon as he can gain some more weight to be able to sustain the medical procedure.  He captured my heart.

Visiting families that live in the dump: To fully explain the way God impacted me this day may require a separate blog.  God convicted me to jump in and not be afraid to get dirty.  I had the honor of sorting through trash to find recyclables with some people that live there.  Getting to be a part of a day where kids could just be kids and fill the air with joy and laughter changed my heart forever.

*Got VERY SICK upon leaving this location.  My parasite friend was in full force and reeking havoc

Week 3 with Teams Night Vision and God Before Us in Chimaltenego

Ministry:  Los Gozosos, a home for disabled children.  The teams were a part of the daily care, feeding, and schooling for this wonderful home for the month. Unfortunately, this week found me in the hospital along with many members of these teams.  Although it was a trying week, it allowed for God to move in personal relationships, conversations, and pressing in with Him.  Our teams at this location displayed unbelievable servant hearts and really gave this ministry all that they had. Health Update: I am FINALLY feeling better and praying I continue to stay that way!

Being on the leadership side of the race has been eye opening and challenging.  Leading them is refining and sharpening me each day.  I am growing in boldness and confidence as I walk in the gifts He has given me.  I'm desperately dependent on God to guide me through this process.  He is so faithful! The Squad is growing and changing before my eyes and leaning into the Lord in the most beautiful ways.  Thank you for Supporting me and sending me out so I can walk alongside of them as they walk into who God created them to be!

By the time you read this, in the last three weeks, I will have slept in 7 beds, been in 4 different cities, served alongside our teams at 3 elderly homes, 2 hospitals, 2 orphanages, multiple churches, a school, a park, and the city dump.  I have had feedback with teams, one on ones with leaders, heart to hearts, cried out spirit filled prayers, spoken life and encouragement, shared scripture, entered into hard conversations, been challenged by my co-leaders, and grown in the Lord.  I have never felt more alive than I do now, even more than on my original race.  This is what He created me to do.  He has taken me out, yet again, to bring me closer to Him. As excited and blessed as I am to be in this season, I am exhausted on all accounts.  Spiritually, physically, and emotionally exhausted and its still our first month.

I can't do this in my own strength.  It would be absolutely impossible.  But I think that is precisely the point, to be completely dependent on God to carry me through.  I am learning more and more what it is to give more of myself than I thought possible.  God is shattering what I thought my limits were because He is limitless, a deep well to draw from, my source of sustenance and strength. 

My co leaders, Mac, Hope, and I, pray Philippians 2 over each other to start each day. Our prayer looks something like this:

“Lord, let us be united today through your love and by your spirit.  Let us not do anything out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility, value each other above ourselves, looking not to our own interests, but to the interest of others.  Father, help us have the same mindset of Christ, who made himself nothing taking the very nature of a servant. Lord, help us do everything without grumbling or arguing so we can shine like stars in the sky among our squad and in this world.  Even as we are bring poured out like a drink offering, let us be glad and rejoice in you!”

Even as we are being poured out like a drink offering… For the first time in my life, I feel like I know what that feels like.  Just when I feel like I have nothing left to give, not a drop left in me, God fills the bottom of my basin a little bit more leaving me with just enough to go a little further than I thought possible.  It is a constant process of being filled and pouring out, completely dependent on drawing from the depths of who God is.  The beauty is that God is constant and always shows up to carry us though.  I am learning to trust Him more, to rest in His presence, take comfort in His promises, and move boldly foreword in faith knowing He is right there with me.

Do you have any areas of your life you are desperate for God to show up in?  Is God showing you an area of your life where He is asking you to give more than you thought possible? I pray that you too can get out of your comfort zone and be poured out like a drink offering so you know the beauty of dependence on Him.

Precious Gustavo, at an orphanage in Puerto Barrios.  We are praying this little

guy can gain some weight to receive surgery for his cleft palate!

Photo Credit for both above: Robin Brooks www.robinbrooks.theworldrace.org

Robin is a talented photographer on our squad.  Blessed she shared her photos!

Juan Carlos at the Abuelo house in Antigua was quite the charmer. He kissed my hand and called me the ultimate beauty (Having technical difficulties, I couldn't get the pic to turn)

With some adorable girls at a school in Puerto Barrios after preforming a skit and singing songs! They were SO CUTE

Walking in Antigua with Brittney, Hope, and Kelly :) Love these girls!

Photo Credit: Mac Mitchell, my talented Co Leader!

It was month 3 of my race, in the Philippines, when Robby Riggs, my original squad leader, looked us each in the eye and asked, “What is the cry of your heart?”  I remember sitting there, almost stunned by the depth and significance of the words he spoke.  The next few days, this question was tossed back and forth in my spirit and mind as I strained to answer.  The truth was, in that season, I didn't know what the cry of my heart was, what it beat for moment by moment.  I was a passionate person going through life without an intentional focus to all that I had to offer.  I was a person who had influence and the ability to impact those around me, but I lacked a focused vision, thus making me scattered and ineffective.  Everyone has something in them that drives them, that makes them get up everyday, a reason and purpose that they are on this earth, and yet I had never taken the time consider what that was for me personally. 

            Today, writing this from Antigua, Guatemala in my first week of squad leading, the cry of my heart is precise, specific, and clear.  I have realized there is nothing more that I want than to see my generation know who they are in Christ and live lives of significance for the Kingdom of God.  I desire them to walk with authority, boldness, passion, and freedom that comes from knowing what it truly means to be a son and daughter of God.  To be a part of a generation that knows that God is alive and He moves in us and though us on this earth today. 

            In Genesis 32, Jacob wrestles with God.  He struggles with the Lord all night and at the end of their parting he is left with a limp and a new name.  He was given a new identity in the Lord and couldn't walk anywhere with out the reminder that he had a powerful collision with God.  That is what I pray desperately for my squad, that this year they have a face-to-face encounter with the Lord and will never ever be the same because of it.  I pray that their very identity would be shaken to the core so the Lord can rename them.  Jacob's very name meant deceiver.  I cry out that all of the labels and lies we take on; worthless, incapable, ugly, untrustworthy, impatient, unlovable, etc. are replaced by the ways God names us; beloved, pure, capable, son/daughter, worthy, lovely, powerful, bringer of light and love. I pray that even though there may be pain in the process, we walk with a limp; that we may never be the same after an encounter with Him.  I pray that everyone knows by the way we walk we have been face to face with our God.

If Robby Riggs were here with me today, I could look him in the eyes and tell him with confidence and boldness what the cry of my heart is.  I have been blessed by his challenge to intentionally discover what my heart beats for.  I am grateful that even though it was painful at times, I have wrestled with the Lord and walked away with a limp and a new identity rooted in Him.  I will leave you and challenge you with the very words that were given to me.

What is the cry of YOUR heart?

 Mac, Hope, and I:  The Fearless Leaders of D Squad.  So blessed to be walking out the cry of my heart with the two of them!

Quick Update:  Safe and sound in Antigua Guatemala.  All of our teams have arrived at ministry locations!  We successful survived launch and our first travel day!  J love love love to all of you.  Thank you for your support and prayers.

It has come to my attention that I have yet to inform all of my blog readers about some changes that have occurred since my last number of posts about squad leading.  Change is a constant companion on the race.  In fact, I have come to expect it. So when I arrived in Georgia for training camp and Allison Johnston sat the squad leaders down, I knew something was up.  Then she said, “I really need all of you to be flexible” and it was confirmed.  All I could do was smile because it was the perfect re-entry into race life.  Honestly, it excited me to know that they had prayerfully made some changes because it is in those moments where God adjusts things to His exact plan.  Let me tell you, I can confidently say that I am exactly where I should be. For 2 of the 3 sets of squad leaders that leave in January, countries and squads had been changed.  So what does this mean for me and for all of you following my journey?

I am now a Squad Leader of the incredible D Squad and will be doing ministry with them in Guatemala, Honduras, El Salvador, and Ukraine. Yes, the scenery and cultures of my four months looks very different, but to me that is irrelevant, for it is D Squad that already has my heart.

Without further ado, I would like to introduce you to them…

D SQUAD! They are a ragamuffin group of passionate Christ followers who will change the world with their love and the Gospel that they proclaim with their words and lives.  They are bold truth talkers, wholehearted worshipers, warriors in the kingdom united by the Spirit that burns with in them.  This squad is characterized by their joy and uniqueness, truly displaying the diversity in the body of Christ.  They are so hungry for more of the Lord and for the world to have an encounter with the God who redeems, heals, and saves.  I have never been more excited to see a group of people awakened to the realities of living moment by moment in the power of the Spirit.  I could not be more honored to lead a group of such incredible men and women of God.  They have my heart and for this next season of my life I get the privilege of seeing God move in and through them.

January 9, 2012 I fly to Florida to launch, two years after my own word race, as D Squad will set out on their very own race to bring the Kingdom to the nations starting with Guatemala.  All I can say for now is paz y amor. Vaya con dios!